🙃db, the next evolution of wpdb.

db.php

<?php

class 🙃db extends wpdb {
	public $tables🙃 = array(
		// Tables
		'posts'              => '⭕',
		'postmeta'           => '⭕➡️',
		'comments'           => '♻',
		'commentmeta'        => '♻➡️',
		'terms'              => '↔️',
		'termmeta'           => '↔️➡️',
		'term_taxonomy'      => '↔️➰',
		'term_relationships' => '↔️➿',
		'options'            => 'ℹ',
		'links'              => '❌',

		// Global tables
		'users'              => '⚜',
		'usermeta'           => '⚜➡️',

		// Multisite global tables
		'blogs'              => '✴',
		'signups'            => '‼',
		'site'               => '❇',
		'sitemeta'           => '❇➡️',
		'sitecategories'     => '❇↔️',
		'registration_log'   => '⁉_〽',
		'blog_versions'      => '✴_〰',
	);

	public function tables( $scope = 'all', $prefix = true, $blog_id = 0 ) {
		$tables = parent::tables( $scope, $prefix, $blog_id );

		foreach ( $this->tables🙃 as $name => $replacement ) {
			if ( $prefix && ! empty( $tables[ $name ] ) ) {
				$tables[ $name ] = str_replace( $name, $replacement, $tables[ $name ] );
			}

			if ( ! $prefix && in_array( $name, $tables, true ) ) {
				$tables = str_replace( $name, $replacement, $tables );
			}
		}

		return $tables;
	}

	protected function get_table_from_query( $query ) {
		// Remove characters that can legally trail the table name.
		$query = rtrim( $query, ';/-#' );

		// Allow (select...) union [...] style queries. Use the first query's table name.
		$query = ltrim( $query, "\r\n\t (" );

		// Strip everything between parentheses except nested selects.
		$query = preg_replace( '/\((?!\s*select)[^(]*?\)/is', '()', $query );

		// Quickly match most common queries.
		if ( preg_match( '/^\s*(?:'
				. 'SELECT.*?\s+FROM'
				. '|INSERT(?:\s+LOW_PRIORITY|\s+DELAYED|\s+HIGH_PRIORITY)?(?:\s+IGNORE)?(?:\s+INTO)?'
				. '|REPLACE(?:\s+LOW_PRIORITY|\s+DELAYED)?(?:\s+INTO)?'
				. '|UPDATE(?:\s+LOW_PRIORITY)?(?:\s+IGNORE)?'
				. '|DELETE(?:\s+LOW_PRIORITY|\s+QUICK|\s+IGNORE)*(?:.+?FROM)?'
				. ')\s+((?:[^\s,])+)/is', $query, $maybe ) ) {
			return str_replace( '`', '', $maybe[1] );
		}

		// SHOW TABLE STATUS and SHOW TABLES WHERE Name = 'wp_posts'
		if ( preg_match( '/^\s*SHOW\s+(?:TABLE\s+STATUS|(?:FULL\s+)?TABLES).+WHERE\s+Name\s*=\s*("|\')((?:[^\s,])+)\\1/is', $query, $maybe ) ) {
			return $maybe[2];
		}

		// SHOW TABLE STATUS LIKE and SHOW TABLES LIKE 'wp\_123\_%'
		// This quoted LIKE operand seldom holds a full table name.
		// It is usually a pattern for matching a prefix so we just
		// strip the trailing % and unescape the _ to get 'wp_123_'
		// which drop-ins can use for routing these SQL statements.
		if ( preg_match( '/^\s*SHOW\s+(?:TABLE\s+STATUS|(?:FULL\s+)?TABLES)\s+(?:WHERE\s+Name\s+)?LIKE\s*("|\')((?:[^\s,])+)%?\\1/is', $query, $maybe ) ) {
			return str_replace( '\\_', '_', $maybe[2] );
		}

		// Big pattern for the rest of the table-related queries.
		if ( preg_match( '/^\s*(?:'
				. '(?:EXPLAIN\s+(?:EXTENDED\s+)?)?SELECT.*?\s+FROM'
				. '|DESCRIBE|DESC|EXPLAIN|HANDLER'
				. '|(?:LOCK|UNLOCK)\s+TABLE(?:S)?'
				. '|(?:RENAME|OPTIMIZE|BACKUP|RESTORE|CHECK|CHECKSUM|ANALYZE|REPAIR).*\s+TABLE'
				. '|TRUNCATE(?:\s+TABLE)?'
				. '|CREATE(?:\s+TEMPORARY)?\s+TABLE(?:\s+IF\s+NOT\s+EXISTS)?'
				. '|ALTER(?:\s+IGNORE)?\s+TABLE'
				. '|DROP\s+TABLE(?:\s+IF\s+EXISTS)?'
				. '|CREATE(?:\s+\w+)?\s+INDEX.*\s+ON'
				. '|DROP\s+INDEX.*\s+ON'
				. '|LOAD\s+DATA.*INFILE.*INTO\s+TABLE'
				. '|(?:GRANT|REVOKE).*ON\s+TABLE'
				. '|SHOW\s+(?:.*FROM|.*TABLE)'
				. ')\s+\(*\s*((?:[^\s,])+)\s*\)*/is', $query, $maybe ) ) {
			return str_replace( '`', '', $maybe[1] );
		}

		return false;
	}

	public function query( $query ) {
		// WP_Date_Query::validate_column() strips non-ASCII table names, which makes 🙃db sad.
		$known_columns = array(
			$this->posts => array(
				'post_date',
				'post_date_gmt',
				'post_modified',
				'post_modified_gmt',
			),
			$this->comments => array(
				'comment_date',
				'comment_date_gmt',
			),
			$this->users => array(
				'user_registered',
			),
			$this->blogs => array(
				'registered',
				'last_updated',
			),
		);

		foreach ( $known_columns as $table => $columns ) {
			foreach ( $columns as $column ) {
				$query = str_replace( "$this->prefix.$column", "$table.$column", $query );
			}
		}

		// Tests_List_Pages::setUp() assumes the posts table name.
		$query = str_replace( "TRUNCATE {$this->prefix}posts", "TRUNCATE $this->posts", $query );

		// WP_User_Query::prepare_query() assumes the posts table name.
		$wrong_name = $this->prefix . 'posts';
		$right_name = $this->tables()['posts'];
		$query = str_replace( "FROM $wrong_name WHERE", "FROM $right_name WHERE", $query );
		$query = str_replace( " $wrong_name.", " $right_name.", $query );

		$matches = array();
		if ( is_multisite() && preg_match( "/{$this->prefix}(\d+)_posts/", $query, $matches ) ) {
			$wrong_name = $this->prefix . $matches[1] . '_posts';
			$right_name = $this->tables( 'all', true, $matches[1] )['posts'];
			$query = str_replace( "FROM $wrong_name WHERE", "FROM $right_name WHERE", $query );
			$query = str_replace( " $wrong_name.", " $right_name.", $query );
		}

		// No need to check DROP TABLE queries
		if ( strpos( $query, 'DROP TABLE' ) === 0 ) {
			$this->check_current_query = false;
		}

		return parent::query( $query );
	}
}

$wpdb = new 🙃db( DB_USER, DB_PASSWORD, DB_NAME, DB_HOST );